These particular thoughts of mine are called lost file, because some how I got lost without ever being found. I know that God has my back, front, and in between; but most of the time I feel stuck. It’s like I’m in between space and time, not knowing a way. Sometimes I feel like the stars are on the ground, and that the world is dark. I’m living without color, in or on a blank space. I feel like I’m nothing (No true value of oneself).
My misplaced hunger kills me everyday. I am not right. I am not perfect. I am not who I’m supposed to be. Who should I be? In the height of the darkness, I’ve found my way to a paper and pen. Hoping that this will make my life not end. The life of a biblical felon. I’ve fallen, and can’t get back up. I have disappointed myself. With each breath I take it is a waste of space. Leaving the life I knew, to become a complete recluse. Has made me lonely, in the most unsatisfied way. My face has fallen. My life has become a unwrapped cocoon. Creeping and hiding from the loves I once knew.
Till death do us part
My old life has gone. Now I am trying to move on. Taking the bitter broken pieces with me, not knowing how to shed the crumbs. I’ve taken my life for granted, with hopes that heaven should be more pleasant. Not knowing the unknown has made me again fall weak. How do I get through time that never seems to pass me by. I’m stuck in my bed because in sick in my head. My life is not living. I want to sing, and dance, and climb on things. I want the world to know my name written in fame. I wanna be great. I want to be happy (Whatever that means). In order to do that, I need to breath. But how? I’m 23 and have been diagnosed with: bipolar disorder, severe depression, post traumatic stress disorder, and attention deficit disorder. These things wake/make me up in the morning, and tuck me in at night. Its because of this. I am stuck. My mind, body, and soul, are weak. Because of these things consistently playing me like a drum. I can’t be strong, I can’t be happy, but I WANT TO BE CLEANED.
And Jesus Said “Come to Me”